kecoaksaru

INTERNET PARKING NOTICE September 5, 2008

Posted by kecoaksaru in : joke , add a comment

Date: Today

Time: 3:00 a.m.

Offence # : in front of the computer TOO LONG!

Details of Offence : During our routine sweep of the Internet we, the
Internet Police, have discovered that you have been on your chair in
front of the computer TOO LONG!

You are HEREBY ORDERED to clean up that pile of cups, cans, wrappers
and papers on your desk (yes, we can see you - sit up straight!) and
after you have logged into the real world for a minimum of ten minutes
you may log back on to the Internet. Failure to comply may result in
loss of reality, carpal tunnel syndrome, and the requirement of a
larger chair.

The timer starts NOW!

Get off your butt - you’ll thank us for it later.

–
Thank you,
Anurag Bhatia

–
Thanks
smilejokes.blogspot.com

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@ Comic Wonder - The Blog!: Animal Internet
I knew just from its name, even before clicking on the link, that I’d probably appreciate it: Animal Internet. Did the site live up to my expectations? It did, but it’s possible that those expectations were not difficult to meet. (More on that later.) What you can find on [...]

Smile Joke of the Day For Sepetember 02, 2008

Attendance was good in the small Methodist church and there wasn’t a pew available. Several church members were already seated on folding chairs. When the minister, just starting the service, saw the three Baptist deacons enter, he leaned down from the pulpit and whispered to the nearest usher, “Please get three chairs for my Baptist friends in the back.”Being hard of hearing, the usher leaned closer and said, “Pardon me?”

“Get three chairs for my Baptist friends,” the minister repeated. The usher strained closer with a puzzled look still on his face.

Once more the minister tried, speaking slowly and distinctly. “Three chairs. For the Baptists,” he enunciated.

The usher’s face lit up in comprehension, and he turned to face the congregation.

“All right, everybody,” he called out to the assembled worshipers. “Three cheers for the Baptists!”

Thanks

smilejokes

Greatest Wish

Science exam September 5, 2008

Posted by kecoaksaru in : joke , add a comment

Science exam
If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children's science
exam answers. Some of them are hysterical.

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water
tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon,
and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts — the brainium, the borax
and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax
contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the
five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one…)
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.'
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome

Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

–
Thanks
SkVm

World’s Greatest Golfer

Great News — Fall Weather Blows!
It’s super annoying when parents and other old people mistake our hair styles for “just rolling out of bed.” Yeah, it looks this rad by just sleeping on it…NOT! Try several cans of Mega Hold Hair Spray! Not to mention a regular trip to the drug store for some green dye. [...] SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: “Great News — Fall Weather Blows!”, url: “http://blog.comicwonder.com/2008/08/18/great-news-fall-weather-blows/” } );

It’s super annoying when parents and other old people mistake our hair styles for “just rolling out of bed.” Yeah, it looks this rad by just sleeping on it…NOT! Try several cans of Mega Hold Hair Spray! Not to mention a regular trip to the drug store for some green dye. Or whatever color is currently the most shocking. On any given day we have nearly a dozen products in our hair and we’re tired of the old fart generation refusing to get it.

We don’t want them to accept us. Just don’t confuse our intentionally messy hair for not having combed it at all. It’s NOT BEDHEAD! Although we use that too. The art of getting you hair to look like you didn’t even touch it is getting tougher all the time. The slighted misplaced cowlick can blow the entire statement. Retro can mistaken for Lazy if you’re not careful. Celebrities often get it all wrong.

Because we are in a band we know that image is everything. We don’t just play songs, we scream them. We haven’t ever played our guitars. We WAIL THEM!!! If we had some $9.99 Super Craftmaster Plus cuts we would confuse our audience. Our messages would be lost. Although we don’t have any written lyrics our statement is always clear. “We are rebelling!” At least two weekends a month. None of us have cars so we need to bum rides to gigs or borrow Larry’s step-dads van. He is super paranoid that we will get eyeliner on his seats so sometimes we don’t even bother asking him and just take the bus. Just because our parents live in one of the richest areas in town doesn’t mean we don’t roll public transit. It’s one of the only places where we feel truly at home. You’ll find our gum on most of the back seats. it’s a point of pride.

The important thing is that when we show up at a show ready to thrash, our hair looks like we’re headliners. It’s so perfectly manicured that you would assume we’re either homeless or supernatural. Or somewhere in between. The crowd notices the effort and they respect it. They bob their head to our distorted tunes while our elders shake their head in disappointment. Our parents and other lame old people think we are leaving the house “looking like wrecks.” Yeah, a twisted wreck of GothRock, Rad Hair and and Rebellion! The good news is that Summer is winding down and the windy Fall weather is really great for inspiring new in your face hair trends.

We’ll try to write again soon but we’re all leaving on a family trip to Orlando. We’ve agreed to go to Disney world but I guarantee we’ll get kicked off the Tea Cups.

Posted By:

Goth For Gigs

(If you are interested in booking us, go to H-E double hockey sticks! We don’t deal with fascist capitalists!)

ShareThis

Hahaha!!!!!!!!!!!
Flowers die……….,
Stories end……… .,

Songs fade…….. ..,
Memories are forgotten… .,

All things come to an end,
But people like you,

Always remain forever,
B'cozzzzzzzzzzzz….. …

:
:
:
GHOSTs NEVER DIE……!!! !

Hahaha!!!!!!!!!!!

–
Thanks
smilejokes.blogspot.com

Too Much Diet ? (Funny Pictures)

–
Thanks
smilejokes.blogspot.com

Japan Fast But India Very Very Fast September 5, 2008

Posted by kecoaksaru in : joke , add a comment

Japan Fast But India Very Very Fast

Sardar
Sardar ji says I love u to his girl friend and suddenly falls on the floor.

Girl Friend: What is this?

Sardarji: O ji, I'm falling in love!

–
Thanks
Kumar

Question Answer Joke
Q: What goes tick, woof, tick, woof, tick, woof, tick,
woof, tick, woof?
A: A watch dog

–
Thanks
smilejokes.blogspot.com

Say Uncle September 4, 2008

Posted by kecoaksaru in : joke , add a comment

Say Uncle
Stan was seconds away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law barged in holding their newborn baby. “Stop! You can’t do this!” exclaimed the brother. “And why not?” asked Stan. “Don’t you want to have a beautiful baby someday? Like my wife and I have here?” Stan said nothing. The brother grew impatient, “C’mon Stan, I want a nephew. Stan, make me an uncle.” Stan

Blonde speeding
A blonde woman gets pulled over for doing 85 in a 25mph
zone.

The cop asks her for her license and registration. She
says, "License, what's that?"

He replies, "It's what they ask for when you buy liquor."

She says, "Oh, I get it," and hands him her license.

Then she asks what a registration is. He says, "It's
probably in your glove box. Just open it and give me the
papers inside." She does, so he returns to his car.

He calls the police dispatcher and says, "I think I just
pulled over the dumbest blonde ever! She didn't even know
what a license was."

The dispatcher says, "I know who she is. She's driving a
new BMW, with pink mirrors."

The cop says, "Yeah, how'd you know?"

The dispatcher says, "Never mind that, just go up to her
car and drop your pants."

The cop says, "No freakin' way!"

The dispatcher says, "Just trust me, all the cops in
town have done it."

So the cop agrees and reluctantly walks up to her car.
He looks around and then drops his pants.

The blonde woman says, "Another breathalyser test? No
problem, I pass these all the time."

–
Thanks
smilejokes.blogspot.com

300 Parody

Paying the Bill

Death mortgage

–
Thanks
smilejokes.blogspot.com

An Elderly Lawyer
An elderly lawyer was about to die. One day he told his wife he had come up with a way to take all of the money he had with him to heaven. He told his wife to put all of his money in the attic so when he died he could grab it on the way up. A couple of weeks after he died his wife was cleaning out the attic and saw that the money bags were still there. “That old fool,” she chuckled. “I told him

The Doggy Dictionary
LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead
your person where you want him/her to go.

DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the
guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do
this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let
the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.

SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your
nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale
deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop.

GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to
test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push
the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with
margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of
bread.

BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control
body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush
and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the
person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person want
them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at
the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.

THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans
remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn
them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your
eyes wildly, and following at their heels.

WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old
candy wrapper. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the
papers all over the house until your person comes home

SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is
polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers
clean.

BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls
and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.

LEAN: Every good dog=92s response to the command "sit !", especially
if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective
before black-tie events.

BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are
drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump
doesn't get the attention you require…..especially effective when
combined with The Sniff. See above.

LOVE: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without
restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail.
If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.

"You Know You're A Dog Person When…"
You have a kiddie wading pool in the yard, but no small children.

You have baby gates permanently installed at strategic places around
the house, but no babies.

The trash basket is more or less permanently installed in the kitchen
sink, to keep the dog out of it while you're at work.

You can't see out the passenger side of the windshield because there
are nose-prints all over the inside.

Poop has become a source of conversation for you and your significant other.

You refer to yourselves as Mommy and Daddy.

Your dog sleeps with you.

You have 32 different names for your dog. Most make no sense, but she
understands.

Your dog eats cat poop, but you still let her kiss you (but not
immediately afterward, of course).

You like people who like your dog. You despise people who don't.

You carry dog biscuits in your purse or pocket at all times.

You talk about your dog the way other people talk about their kid.

You sign and send birthday/anniversary/Christmas cards from your dog.

You put an extra blanket on the bed so your dog can be comfortable.

You'd rather stay home on Saturday night and cuddle your dog than go
to the movies with your sweetie.

You go to the pet supply store every Saturday because it's one of the
very few places that lets you bring your dog inside, and your dog
loves to go with you.

You open your purse, and that big bunch of baggies you use for
pick-ups pops out.

You get an extra-long hose on your shower-massage just so you can use
it to wash your dog in the tub, without making the dog sit hip-deep in
water.

You don't think it's the least bit strange to stand in the back yard
yelling, "Emily, pee!" over and over again, while Emily tends to play
and forget what she's out there for (but what your neighbors think of
your behavior is yet another story).

You and the dog come down with something like flu on the same day.
Your dog sees the vet while you settle for an over-the-counter remedy
from the drugstore.

Your dog is getting old and arthritic, so you go buy lumber and build
her a small staircase so she can climb onto the bed by herself.

Your license plate or license plate frame mentions your dog.

You match your furniture/carpet/clothes to your dog.

You have your dog's picture on your office desk (but no one else's).

You lecture people on responsible dog ownership every chance you get.

You hang around the dog section of your local bookstore.

You skip breakfast so you can walk your dog in the morning before work.

You are the only idiot walking in the pouring rain because your dog
needs her walk.

You don't go to happy hours with coworkers any more because you need
to go home and see your dog.

Your parents refer to your pet as their granddog.

Your weekend activities are planned around taking your dog for a hike
(both days).

You keep an extra water dish in your second-floor bedroom, in case
your dog gets thirsty at night (after all, her other dish is way down
on the first floor…).

Your freezer contains more dog bones than anything else.

You never completely finish a piece of steak or chicken (so your dog
gets a taste, too).

You shovel a zig-zag path in the back yard snow so your dog can reach
all her favorite spots.

You avoid vacuuming the house as long as possible because your dog is
afraid of the vacuum cleaner.

You keep eating even after finding a dog hair in your pasta.

You make popcorn just to play catch with your dog.

You carry pictures of your dog in your wallet instead of pictures of
your parents, siblings, significant other, or anyone else remotely
human.

And the number one reason you know you're a dog person: Your dog is
the star of your Web Site!

–
Thanks
Priyan

@ Comic Wonder - The Blog!: Depression can be funny (but mostly it sucks) September 4, 2008

Posted by kecoaksaru in : joke , add a comment

@ Comic Wonder - The Blog!: Depression can be funny (but mostly it sucks)

Like anybody, I’ve been depressed before. It sucks. When I look back on my life, I think I got depressed because I couldn’t get laid. But the silver lining is that if you’re depressed because you can’t get laid, you’ll never become suicidal. Why? Because dead men don’t get laid. [...]

Sardar
Sardar was writing something very slowly.

Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?

Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast

–
Thanks
smilejokes.blogspot.com

@ Comic Wonder - The Blog!: Top 5: How FIBA is different (and worse) than the NBA
Number of comments: 1

As the Olympic basketball tournament enters its elimination round, fans have one question: can USA Basketball take home the gold? With a team of world-class athletes from the country that invented the sport, they should dominate the competition like China dominates its ethnic minorities, but they didn’t even medal [...]

@ Comic Wonder - The Blog!: Will we ever find a good Obama joke?
Number of comments: 2

This week’s The New Yorker magazine cover depicting Barack Obama and his wife, Michelle, has caused quite the stir. Regardless of your stance on the satirical cartoon, the question has been raised…are there any good jokes out there about Barack Obama that we can all deem funny?

Today’s New [...]

Science exam September 4, 2008